▼ Summary
– The writer is recently divorced and had his first sexual encounter with someone new, which triggered an unexpected emotional crying episode.
– He feels embarrassed and wants to prevent similar emotional reactions during future casual sexual encounters.
– The advice column suggests that crying was an automatic, sincere emotional response possibly linked to unresolved feelings about his divorce or readiness for new intimacy.
– Recommendations include avoiding alcohol before potential sexual encounters and seeking compassionate partners who can handle emotional displays.
– The columnist emphasizes self-acceptance and allowing time to process emotions rather than trying to suppress natural reactions.
Navigating the dating world after a long-term marriage can stir up unexpected emotions, especially during intimate moments. For someone recently divorced, the first sexual encounter with a new partner can trigger powerful feelings that are difficult to anticipate or control.
A reader writes in about his experience re-entering the dating scene following a ten-year marriage. He explains that after a few dates with a woman, they ended up sleeping together following an evening of drinks. While the encounter itself was positive, he found himself suddenly overcome with tears, his first time being intimate with anyone other than his ex-wife. Though his date responded kindly, he feels deeply embarrassed and hopes to avoid a repeat of the situation.
The advice columnist acknowledges that such automatic emotional reactions are not easily suppressed. Crying in this context likely signaled unresolved or conflicting feelings about moving on post-divorce. It’s possible part of him was ready for new connections, while another part still felt the weight of his past relationship. Emotional ambivalence is common in significant life transitions, and sometimes feelings surface in ways we don’t expect.
Revealing such vulnerability, particularly for men in casual situations, can feel risky. Not every partner will react with understanding, but those who do may offer a sense of safety and acceptance. Finding someone who responds with empathy could even support the healing process.
Moving forward, the reader might consider whether alcohol played a role in lowering his emotional guard. Cutting back on drinking before dates that could become intimate might help. If emotions arise again, however, the best approach may be to allow them space, seek out compassionate partners, and practice self-acceptance. Time and supportive connections can make future experiences feel more comfortable.
In a separate query, another reader asks for advice on finding attractive, well-made lace lingerie designed for men. She discovered her husband had been wearing her underwear and found the revelation arousing rather than upsetting. Now she wants to gift him something special for Christmas, lingerie that feels genuinely sexy and not at all ridiculous. She’s looking for brands or retailers that offer masculine lace styles which provide both comfort and confidence.
(Source: Slate)