My Fiancé Asked Me to Stop Working Out – It Made Me Rethink Our Wedding
▼ Summary
– The letter writer exercises daily to manage severe PTSD symptoms and maintain physical health, but her fiancé wants her to reduce gym time despite it not conflicting with their time together.
– Her fiancé has criticized her weight gain during holidays and suggested she eat less instead of exercising, showing insensitivity to her mental health needs and preferences.
– The fiancé expressed insecurity by accusing her of staying fit to attract other men, revealing deeper trust and control issues in their relationship.
– Prudence advises the writer to end the relationship, citing the fiancé’s harmful behavior, including insults, comparisons to others, and attempts to undermine her well-being.
– The response emphasizes that the conflict is unresolvable due to the fiancé’s underlying attitudes, urging the writer to prioritize her happiness and health.
Fitness plays a vital role in maintaining both physical health and mental stability, especially for those dealing with past trauma. For one woman, her daily running, gym sessions, and spin classes are non-negotiable, they help her manage severe PTSD symptoms stemming from a childhood accident. She values the strength and confidence her routine provides, and her fiancé has always appreciated her appearance. Lately, however, he’s asked her to cut back on exercise, claiming it reduces their time together.
She finds this confusing, since he often spends hours gaming while she’s present, barely interacting. Her workouts mostly happen while he’s at work or early in the morning, and they still maintain regular date nights. What’s more, he’s complained in past Decembers when she relaxed her routine and gained a little weight, admitting he felt less attracted to her. When she pointed out that less exercise would mean more weight gain, something he dislikes, and less happiness for her, he suggested she “just eat less.” He brought up his friend’s girlfriend as a comparison and expressed doubts she could maintain her fitness after marriage and children.
She has always been uncertain about having kids but remained open to the possibility. His comments angered her, and she insisted she wouldn’t change her healthy habits for a distant hypothetical scenario. That’s when he confessed his real concern: he believes she stays fit “to be hot to other guys.” That admission felt like the final straw. She spent a night at her parents’ house, and though they’ve since resumed daily life, tension remains. He makes snide remarks about her gym visits, and she retorts that staying active will help her fit into her wedding dress.
Outside this issue, their relationship has strong points, shared humor, sci-fi interests, and cooking together. Still, his behavior has left her furious and questioning everything. Her best friend calls it a major red flag, and she wonders whether this is resolvable or if she should be concerned.
An outside perspective suggests this isn’t just a disagreement over schedules, it reflects deeper issues. Her partner wants her to stop an activity that supports her mental health, has criticized her body, drawn comparisons to other women, and insulted her directly. These behaviors indicate controlling and insecure tendencies, not the foundation for a healthy marriage. His lack of support for her well-being, combined with hypocrisy about his own leisure time, points to fundamental incompatibility. While they share good moments, his actions reveal disrespect that could worsen over time.
In another situation, a man in his mid-60s faces a friendship dilemma. He and his wife belong to a tight-knit group of longtime friends, including “Jackie,” whom he describes as a “lost soul” they wouldn’t choose as a friend today but still care for. When the group planned a canoe trip, Jackie offered to design t-shirts and asked for ideas. He proposed a clever, meaningful concept but didn’t think much about it afterward.
Months later, Jackie shared a mockup in their group chat, using his idea, and took full credit. His wife was furious and wanted him to expose the theft, but he initially decided against causing conflict. Now Jackie is collecting orders and planning group photos in the shirts, and he feels he can’t participate in the deception. He worries others will ask why he and his wife aren’t ordering shirts, and he doesn’t want to lie.
A gentle approach could resolve this, for example, commenting in the group, “The mockups look fantastic, Jackie! I’m glad my idea turned out so well.” This might prompt Jackie to acknowledge his contribution. However, the t-shirt issue highlights a larger problem: traveling with someone whose company you don’t genuinely enjoy. Close-quarters trips amplify irritations, and it may be better to limit future vacations to those you truly want around.
A third writer shares struggles with his mother-in-law, who moved in due to mobility issues. She attempts to control the household, banning certain TV shows even in private rooms, insisting everyone adopt her vegan diet, opening mail without permission, and demanding a 10 p.m. lights-out rule. Arguments have erupted repeatedly. His wife asks him to accommodate her mother’s “quirks,” but he refuses to be treated like a child in his own home.
Setting calm, firm boundaries is key. He can acknowledge her wishes while upholding his choices: “I understand you’d prefer no one watches that show, but I’ll be making my own decisions about entertainment.” For the mail, a locked mailbox could prevent interference. If his wife continues siding with her mother despite reasonable limits, it may signal a deeper marital issue.
Finally, a woman describes becoming engaged under pressure. Her boyfriend has clinical depression, and she’d planned to break up after the holidays to avoid adding to his struggles. Instead, he proposed in front of his family, and she accepted to prevent public embarrassment. Now she feels trapped, unable to end the engagement without guilt. Moving forward requires honesty, even if it’s difficult, prolonging the situation only increases pain for both.
(Source: Slate)
